Jim Riley on Golf *

 

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 On the subject of golf, here are my views:

"If you mean golf, the ancient masochistic game springing from the dark schemes of Lucifer, the scourge of wasted time, the frustrating monster that produces foul curses galore, dethrones patience, destroys self confidence, creates misery and wastefulness, yea, literally takes from the father precious time which could be spent with his little children and sweet wife; if you mean that sordid business which removes valuable land from meaningful use and converts it into a play ground for the indolent; if you mean that evil pursuit that topples men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and productive enterprise into the bottomless pit of misery, failure, frustration, cheating, incompetence, despair, helplessness, shanked shots, despicable pre-ball divots and missed short putts, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being."

"However, if by golf you mean the setting for convivial conversations and camaraderie with friends old and new, the idyllic surrounds, a joy of life, the exercise that becomes manifest when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes when hearing that crack of a solid strike on the awaiting dimpled ball; if you mean the good cheer, the stimulating perfectly executed approach shot that sparks a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a beautific morning; if you mean that intended and delicately crafted fade that enables man to magnify his joy as the ball arches and curves ever so lovely through an azure sky toward the emerald green, and then to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow as it rolls with perfect elegance to fall within the cup; if you mean that sport and accoutrements the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation... then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it..!!!"

"This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.!!!"


* Borrowing Heavily from Sir Winston Churchill's comments on Whiskey.