Jim Riley on Golf * ©
"If you mean golf, the ancient masochistic game springing from the dark schemes of
Lucifer, the scourge of wasted time, the frustrating monster that produces foul curses
galore, dethrones patience, destroys self confidence, creates misery and wastefulness,
yea, literally takes from the father precious time which could be spent with his little
children and sweet wife; if you mean that sordid business which removes valuable land from
meaningful use and converts it into a play ground for the indolent; if you mean that evil
pursuit that topples men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and productive
enterprise into the bottomless pit of misery, failure, frustration, cheating,
incompetence, despair, helplessness, shanked shots, despicable pre-ball divots and missed
short putts, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being."
"However, if by golf you mean the setting for convivial conversations and camaraderie
with friends old and new, the idyllic surrounds, a joy of life, the exercise that becomes
manifest when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm
glow of contentment in their eyes when hearing that crack of a solid strike on the
awaiting dimpled ball; if you mean the good cheer, the stimulating perfectly executed approach
shot that sparks a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a beautific
morning; if you mean that intended and delicately crafted fade that enables man to magnify
his joy as the ball arches and curves ever so lovely through an azure sky toward the
emerald green, and then to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow as it
rolls with perfect elegance to fall within the cup; if you mean that sport and accoutrements the sale
of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides
tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully
aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community
colleges in this nation... then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of
it..!!!"
"This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of
principle.!!!"
* Borrowing Heavily from Sir Winston Churchill's comments on Whiskey.